as a sorta spur of the moment thing, i am going to head to toronto by plane tomorrow evening, and won't be back 'til monday evening. i am going cavorting on the town with my dad and my little half-brothers, none of whom i see often enough for my liking, them living in far away cities and all.
i think the last time i saw my little brothers was summer 2006, so they must be about 10 and 12 now. geez, they're gonna be huge! bigger than me probably! the last time i saw them, my youngest brother didn't recognize me because - as he stated rather matter-of-factly - he thought i would be bigger (sadly, unlike them, i am not still growing).
kids these days. you blink and they're adults. that was me a blink ago.
have a fun weekend, all! if you need to reach me, well that's why i have a cellphone now, right?
p.s. i'm running later than expected on the final production touches to old habits die hard. but it's almost done. seriously. i'd say expect it next week... i just need a few more hours of tweaking and normalizing, and then i'll upload the tracks to my site...
more insane torontottawa dreams last night. first i was in my aunt's old house in toronto, only there were lots of ottawa friends there, as well as family. and we were trapped inside by terrorists of some sort, like a bad FPS videogame or something. and they kept getting hostages. i wanted to shoot back, but they had big sniper guns, and friends and family kept trying to convince me not to. eventually i scoped out a guy on a building top and shot his head multiple times, but the bullets didn't even seem to hit him, like he was out-of-phase with reality. eventually they stormed the house. but when they got into the house, their guns disapppeared from their hands; they were holding thin air. we attacked them shoes and slippers and beat them down.
flash ahead to an ottawa scenario, some kind of party, and my friend wil introduces me to this new girl he met at a bar. now when i say girl, i mean girl, not woman. she was 17 if she was a day. and i was trying to innuendo a caution to wil not to get involved with such a young girl, but his interests seemed purely musical. he was going on about how he wrote a new song, and he wanted her to sing it. i was skeptical, but he had her practice the words, and he laid down some guitar on a weird portable tape machine he had, then he had her record vocal tracks remotely, from another room or something. and it sounded beautiful! i wish i could remember any of it. then the party house sort of morphed into an asylum of some sort, where there were all kinds of weird lobotomy patients with their heads hanging open, and the girl seemed to know them all too well.
my subconscious, it is cuckoo.
in other news, fuck you st. valentine. i have nothing positive to say to you.
thank you, that is all for now.
as expected, my weekend travels were whirlwind and physically|mentally|emotionally exhausting. i feel scared that i am in danger of running out of the energy to connect anymore.
seeing most of my family on friday night in toronto at the Cancer Relay For Life was really exhilerating. it had been so long since i had seen many of them. years, in most cases. i wish my dad had been there. it was good to see my stepmom and brothers, my sister and her daughter, my uncle [of course], my aunts, my cousins, my grandma, etc. i was so proud of my family that they raised the most money of any of the teams pledged; my aunt and uncle were even interviewed by CTV. a great success story.
i suppose things would have been slightly less exhausting if my bus back to ottawa hadn't broken down! yes, i took the 00:01 greyhound back to ottawa, which became the 00:30 bus as it left the terminal, only to become the 02:00 bus as it broke down just getting onto the don valley parkway, and a replacement bus had to be sent. let me tell you, sitting on a grassy knoll at the side of the DVP at 01:30 on a saturday morning with 30+ exhausted angry strangers is my idea of fun!!!
i spent most of the rest of the weekend attempting to recover from a thoroughly fucked-up sleep schedule. yet it all seemed worth it. eventually exhaustion and my emotions got the better of me. and maybe everything really hit home when i read an email from my stepmom, echoing my [attempted to keep it subconscious] sentiments of fear; will the next time i see all my family together like that be at my uncle's funeral? no no no no. please no. and i found myself finally bawling as i sat on the toilet this morning. uncontrollably. because really, that's the reality. there is nothing i can do [to save my uncle, or to simply be at peace with my own feelings]. so many things i cannot control, like everything else i love that has slipped through my fingers. will $13,000 of research money save my uncle's life? i don't think so. and will that be me in seven years? i would take his place if it gave him another chance. he has a wife and two lovely kids. they deserve a father and husband, alive and loving.
this evening at 1800 hours i leave on a whirlwind 48 hour trip to oshawa, then toronto to participate in the Relay for Life, then back to ottawa. i am going to be so exhausted by the time i get back on saturday.
on the plus side, i'm looking forward to seeing some of my family that i haven't seen in a long time.