Tags: death

2012

this is not the end

last week, my awesome grandma died. i went to the memorial service on saturday. i have been sad for the past week, but i suppose not super-sad, because i realize what a great, long life she lived, and she was always happy and loving.

i heard great stories at the memorial service... from family and friends and her co-workers, about how giving and non-judgemental she was. my aunt had some of the best stories, recalling about how my grandma was a self-described "sexy broad" (and had six kids to prove it!); how she was a gifted pianist; a generous soul who always gave money to and talked to street people; and about her early career as a flight attendant, back in the day when flight attendants had to also be nurses and weren't allowed to be married! well, she was also a nurse! and she concealed her marriage status by wearing her ring on a chain under her dress. what an awesome, fearless woman.

i wish i had more memories of my grandma. i do remember that she was a great crib player, and could also kick my ass in scrabble. she was fiercely competitive, in the best kind of way.

most important of all, she treated everyone as an equal.

i love you, grandma!

at the memorial service, my aunt gave me a whole bunch of old photos of me, from when i was a wee little boy. they are hilarious. i am going to scan them and put them online.
2012

"stick to the shadows when i can..."

i was going to make this a typical new music review post about what i've recently purchased and listened to. then i was randomly accosted by some old news that had slipped me by:

apparently, camu tao passed away on may 25th. got me back to thinking about this post i made after i found out about evan farrell dying. and the contemplation that - though he was a somewhat well-known and respected, very talented musician - he's not horribly famous, and not many people are going to know or care that he passed.

all of us will end up dead. and most of us will fade into obscurity. it's unlikely that camu tao will be greatly remembered decades from now, the way jim morrison or jimi hendrix are still revered. heck, just like with evan farrell, i didn't even find out 'til well after the fact, and i knew who he was; dare i say even, i was a fan.

i echo my sentiments of january 27th: life is too short not to make every moment count. i'm gonna rock out on monday (four days)! i'm gonna try and rock out a lot more from now on...

p.s. i discovered an awesome remix by aesop rock, of the mountain goats track "lovecraft in brooklyn". you can check it out on aesop's myspace page.
2012

"i'm alive, but a different kind of alive than the way i used to be"


Remembrance Day 2008
Originally uploaded by jacob earl
remember? remember. it's important to not forget. and yet the nature of memories is that they fade.

today is remembrance day.

today would have been my uncle chris' 40th birthday. i thought about him today as i walked around downtown, taking photos. i thought about him, in fact, all weekend, as i got tattooed, as i mixed some music, as i have practiced for my upcoming show. i realized that i didn't really acknowledge his impact on my artistic way of life - my outlook on things - until after he was gone. so easily these things can slip away without notice.

i think sometimes that i get scared of slipping away without notice. maybe closing my eyes one night like i'd go to sleep any other night... only i just don't wake up. that's the end. i know it will happen one day. but will there be something else, or is that all? i will live inside the memories of others (i hope), fading. is that it?

i worked some more on my new EP today. the mixing is almost complete. if all goes well, i will be able to release it on the internet before my show at zaphod's on the 24th.

peace all. remember.
2012

old habits die hard

it has taken a little longer than expected, but it is finally done! i have finished my newest ep, old habits die hard.

i had a lot of fun recording these seven new compositions over the past six months. i think it opened me up musically and psychologically in a lot of ways. careful attention to detail has given me the patience to hone my production skills, and the thematic focus gave me the inspiration to try new things that i probably wouldn't have before (like, for instance, composing an entire collection of songs without any live bass tracks; an exacting and exasperating process for someone who is principally a bass-player).

i know i've mentioned before that this is a concept piece about death; perhaps i will take this moment to elaborate on this.

the ep is constructed as a series of vignettes based on real-life events loosely ordered chronologically to tell a story; a slice of my life over the past few years, each song offering a different aspect of how i have regarded death. only relatively recently in my life did i first experience a death of someone close to me. and then another. and then another still. and all of a sudden other people i cared about seemed to be experiencing the same thing; people close to them dying.

and i suppose i held a naivety about death before it came close to me. and then when it finally did graze my face, i blinked and went on, putting up a facade and emotional wall. i didn't let it get to me at first. not until the third time it happened, and so close in so many ways that i finally broke down. and i think it is not unreasonable to imagine that i have been suffering some kind of ptsd ever since, for the past year and half. and this was my final way to consciously deal with it head-on.

you know what? i think it might have worked. i feel like i shucked my skin; like a butterfly out of a cocoon. finishing this composition feels almost downright cathartic, like i've finally been able to actually spew out what i've been bottling up inside for so long. and not just about death. about so many things in my life.

anyway, now that i have thoroughly bored you with my deep self-reflection, without further ado i bring you my latest musical offering.

jacob earl - old habits die hard

jacob earl - old habits die hard
release date - 2008-07-29
approx. running time - 34:42
  1. Klimt

  2. sleeping in

  3. old habits die hard

  4. wild life

  5. traces

  6. just ghosts

  7. this is the way the world ends


enjoy! (and feel free to visit my crackbook and last.fm pages, and my homepage where i happily host these songs free of charge to you).
2012

harder than you know

i know i've been relatively quiet about this lately (compared to how i usually babble on about myself shamelessly). but i'm finally just about done my latest collection of recordings. as previously discussed, it's a new ep, and as previously discussed, it's a concept piece about death; or perhaps more accurately, about life looking at death from the outside, attempting to understand what it cannot possibly until it negates itself. it's a bit existential, a bit self-reflexive, a bit resentful, but not so much melancholy or depression as hope and optimism.

thematic content aside, as usual, i'm fretting over the final stages of technical crap; laying down some final tracks, tweaking some levels, generally fiddling with the mixes. as usual, it's taking me a little longer than expected to wrap up the final stages of mixing, because i'm being fussy. but if all goes as planned, i hope to release my latest "masterpiece" (har har) next week; maybe on canada day.

i bring you a sneak peak of the cover art and tracklisting. i know that sneaking and peaking is your kinda thang.

jacob earl - old habits die hard

jacob earl - old habits die hard - 2008
  1. Klimt

  2. sleeping in

  3. old habits die hard

  4. wild life

  5. traces

  6. just ghosts

  7. this is the way the world ends
2012

evan farrell r.i.p.

last night i was out at zaphod's seeing a really amazing live show. bob wiseman with wax mannequin. waxxy was hilarious and rawkin' as usual, and i was blown away with bob wiseman's act. i mean, i love old blue rodeo, and he certainly added to the frantic psychadelic awesomeness of songs like diamond mine, but his solo acts takes his prodigious talents to new levels of absurdity. he had a film going the whole time that coincided with his songs, and he played this mini toy-looking hand keyboard and an accordion; it was super! the audience were laughing and enjoying it the whole time.

the shocker of the night was actually the beginning of the evening, when i ran into a friend and fellow musician, and he recounted to me this shocking story about the passing of an amazing musician we both just saw perform right at zaphod's back in october.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/47717-evan-farrell-magnolia-electric-corogue-wave-rip

evan farrell, bassist of rogue wave and bassist / lap steel player of magnolia electric co. died from injuries suffered in an apartment fire on december 23rd. he was only a couple of years older than me, and was an amazing musician to see live. he was so into it. that's why i snapped so many pictures of him. i don't know what to think really. it's sad to see any life cut short, and when it's such a vibrant and talented person... ...well it brought up memories for me, and made me ponder (once again) that life is so short, it can end so quick. it's too short not to make the most of it; in this case, too short not to play every piece of music, every note, like it's the last, because it might be. so make it the best.

evan farrell may not have been horribly famous, so he's not going to get some big spotlight out of his untimely passing. heck, i only found out about it a month after the fact, by chance. and i suppose the majority of us will fade into obscurity in much the same way. so all the more reason to make every living moment count. peace.
2012

i salute you

"Rented a tent, a tent, a tent.
Rented a tent, a tent, a tent.
Rented a tent, Rented a tent.
Rented a, Rented a tent."

~ the snare drums on Mars, The Sirens of Titan.


“We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.”
~ tombstone epitaph of Kilgore Trout, Breakfast of Champions.



kurt vonnegut, you will be sorely missed. R.I.P.
2012

fire fire fire

i need to get my creative streak fired up again. it has not been working properly. error. no function. i doodle but they just look like doodles. very little if any artistic merit. i fiddle with noises but they just sound like noises. very little if any musical value. i tinker with words but they string together haphazardly. very little if any semblance of wisdom or insight in my prosaic or poetic musings.

maybe it was all imagined in my head all along. it's not as if a huge number of people ever expressed any strong interest in anything artistic that i have done. is this what an identity crisis feels like? i feel like a character in a monica hughes young readers' book; forever trapped in the self-effacing, gawky shyness of teenagehood in some futuristic, dystopic fantasyland. i'm a teenage boymind trapped in a thirty-year-old manbody. i still have starry-eyed daydreams of getting-rich-quick, and becoming a famous rockstar. but every day simply reaffirms the banal reality; i'm the modern day equivolent of a white-collar pencil-pusher, i will retire at 57, after giving the best thirty years of my life to a corrupt and broken institution whose values i don't truly espouse, and i will very likely die a few years later of a heart attack, having never really lived life for me. whatever that means. 'cause i don't think i could go along with life very contentedly if i didn't have something | someone to live for and tend to. i must be experiencing panic of the purposeless.